This mask is falling off, Love has destroyed me.
Inch by inch, every miniscule
The remnants you left behind
Memories, my treacherous fuel.There's fire on my skin.
and every ember within,
Wants to reach out to you,
Wake you up from this false awakening.
Tell you, this is a dreamIntherealworld, westillplaythesamerole, Each, ahalfoftheothers'soul.
Whatareyou, butastranger now.A chest of secrets held too long, The drizzle of peace between my right and wrong The letter of love from April nine, Cells I craved with each of mine.What am I, but a shipwreck in the storms of your love...
He was the hemlock to my lips,
Clung on him, was I, like he was the sail to my sunken shipStill like the air that prevails in spring,
And harsh like the one that winters bring,
He was the bittersweet joy budding within.Who knew beneath the veneers of his smile he hid,
Conspiracies of a destruction, so morbid?
I let the tap water run through my toes. The cold water soothes me, the hot, burns my feet. Sometimes, the tap runs black water. I love looking at it. The way out flows, makes the bathroom floor black beyond vision. Black and void like the space. Sometimes I play with the black water, grab it in my hands and then let go and watch the black water streaming towards the drain in thin lines like the lines He prophesied and engraved on all of our palms. I watch it as the river of black slowly spreads on the floor- immersing it in its affection.At times I throw a handful of water at the ceiling. The ceiling recoils, at reflex, and then tears down on me. Not just the bathroom, courtesy to my escapades, the tap water immerses me too... in thoughts indecipherable, in worlds beyond my limits. I delve into imaginations that care not for the flowing hours, the non productive ness or the lostness of no reason.Somewhere, probably just unique to my imaginations, the tap water and life runs parallel…
I was writhing in pain,
Not having the knowledge of beauty
Or which even I was worthy of.
I was contemplating suicide, over dinner
When I gulped down a piece of hope.
The bitterness travelled down my gut
I took a plunge off the cliff into the depths of my ink laden notebook
And that's all it took to be alive again :That leap of faith.
Night came by
and went back soon
She couldn't overcome
Her desire for the glittering moonSpring dissolved slow
Amidst the sultry afternoons
She hovered and chased the fragrant air
Like a solitary loon.Her love for all that
Beyond her reach
Ripped her soul in ways
No love could ever breach.
Sometimes, I just get tired of what I am. Tired of the same words, same syllables that come back to me again and again; blatant, unashamed.The sultry swamp of life drags
me back into the cobwebs of my dilapidated existence.Sometimes, I wish I could disappear from here because this slow putrefaction is hard to bear. The everyday disappointments melancholia, the little things that put me off. The millions of things I pretend to be.I search for myself beneath the veneers of the freckle laden flesh that camouflages me. I search for myself amidst the myriad of bodies jostling in a crowd, making noises that encroaches into the mindly solitude and numbs me till I hear the echo of a deathly silence. Sometimes, silence cajoles my body into an irrevocable state of paralysis. I let the feeling sink deep down, deeper until I can
count every breath leaving the lungs and feel every little speck of happiness ebbing away with the chillyDecember wind.
A beam of sunlight enters through my window, at dawn , exposing the stark nakedness of my dark flesh against the white sheets that bear the testimony to last night's mishap.The streak of light rejuvenates me and a flick of grin colours my face. With you, some days might end with a sigh and some others with a cry. But at dawn when I feel your warm breath against my neck and your fingers reconstructing the hieroglyphs of destiny etched on my palm, I know for sure, you are the one with whom I will walk off into the sunset.
I always dreamt of falling in love with the beauty of the numerous shades of gray in his soul. I dreamt to live the stories and beseech the latent desires he kept untold.
'Dreamt of being the woman, to whom, his love he sold
I guess, I was the misfit by default...
Look at how the air fills with petrichor,
As we drop our clothes to the insouciant floor
and step into the realm of each other's soul
The smile fading from your lips
And the words slipping away from mine...Look at how we enrapt ourselves
To the moonlight flooding on dusty bookshelves
Lost in vague imaginations of the past
Silence stills, as love evokes
And pretentious facades corrode like rustLook at how we see beyond sight
The way your hands explore black and white
The dampened breaths that crave to speak
Untold stories, refuse to seepFrom blood to bones,
And bones to soul
Look at how we make love to all.
His footprints stilled
on my dust clad soul
And as epiphany drilled in,
I knew his destinations were in the clouds.
Like an abandoned feather,
I let love go
and soar into an unending voidHe leaves,
and leaves in me the pain of a procrastinated dilapidation...
So distant is she from me,
as distant I am from him
His love so painful,
lost in an unethereal gleam.The vivid images that flash about
in and out,
reminisce every ecstasy
of those lost and forgotten dreamsHis muse be of sinful magnificence
and this void
thrusts upon me,
like the devil cursing in whispering screams...
Look at her, from long afar
Watch her picking broken souls
On which life drilled ruthless holes
With the jar of love stored in her,
A salve for the sinned, and sinner.But if, my dear, you look close by,
You'll discover how it is a lie.
She hides the ruins that love wreaked much,
Her tale of grief; Oh! is as such.
And yet she knew of the power love holds
For she gives, she loves and exploresHeals herself more than those souls
Slow with time as life unfolds...
All I want,
All I've ever wanted,
On days of love like this
Isn't the ecstasy of elaborate vows,
Or the anticipation of an unexpected thrillAll I want,
All I've ever wanted, my love,
Is you to cuddle me tighter under the sheets
And sigh between kisses,
You loved me then, forever will...
As we diverge from this juncture of life, my biggest fear isn't that with the gradual drifting apart, one day, eventually you will slip into the dark oblivious alleys of my memory with the ravages of time.
But I dread that amidst the tumults of separation, life might thrust upon us an unexpected rendezvous... For no reason whatsoever, you'll hold my waist again, your cold fingers digging into my flesh like the first time we kissed under the star laden sky. Maybe you'll look into my eyes and gently tuck the uncompliant locks behind my ear when the wind sweeps them across your face.
The gravest of my earthly fears is that someday you might come so close that the irresistible fragrance of your body will intermingle with my breath only to stir up love in every minuscule of my rotten soul.
And once again wreak a havoc like it always did...
So, I will slowly get back to the time we spent in each other's arms, a parallel universe curtained from the rest of the world. I will pick up the memories, now worn off like little white pebbles on the shores of our lives. I remember the moments of bliss, when all I ever needed was lacked, and all I ever lacked was needed and there you were, fulfilling them all.
I remember the moments of hurt when my silent tears seeped deep into your skin, the cool breeze fluttering my hair, your eyes reflecting the stars above.
I remember the moments of peace, when pain numbed the beauty of love, and solace I found in you. I remember the moments of distress, of your smile that made my life smile
I remember moments like this,
And when I remember all that I remember,
I realise, life is but a moment
You wish you could seize...
When the most dreadful disasters erupt deep down my dust clad skin,
Come to contain me in the warmth of your embrace
When the remnants of my broken existence is set ablaze,
Do come with the pitcher of salvation you have,
Oh oblivious love,
In the vibrance of your soul
Sew up my buried pieces,
Once again make me whole.
Let's not fall in love because we want to,
Let's spend time telling each other how beautiful we are together
Let's not just fall in love because we are both fading in the damp of loneliness
Let's just hold hands and sit under a tree looking at the autumn leaves fall and mince splendorlessly
Let's hold each other and feel the ecstasy we'd been craving for in the death of our nights.
Let's cry our souls to puddles of misery when walls become deaf.
Let's not fall in love
Let me become yours
Let me make you mine.
People are just like waves of the sea,
They crash, ecstatic, against the shores of your dry existence,
And eventually trail back to their own destinations,
With a fading splendor
Deserted, as you were,
Do you ever feel the pain that sublimes your heart into fumes, as if escaping the betrayal of a soulmate, ignorance of an unrequited love or the reasonless exasperation of the people you took to be more than friends. Suddenly you feel so insecure, like a void rushing towards you with a pace so furious as if crushing on your gut.
So now you know your real place in the world.
So now you know, you are a solitary bloke, as you always were and always will be...