Whispers To The Oblivion ...

 Maybe someday, the words will freeze in my throat, someday I will no longer have to console myself, and cajole to move from the bed, someday, I will merge into a deep nothingness peace will bestow down upon us as my throbbing head bursts into a thousand confetti. Someday, my breaths wouldn't be as labored and my eyes wouldn't be wary of the reflection in the mirror Someday day I will stop deferring suicide by another day and then another, for the hope of a little love. One day.

Margaret, are you grieving over the evergreens unleafing? How long did you hear the muffled screams of the world? Did you inhale enough fragrant air before the blight began to steal its flair? When ice caps collapsed and beasts starved to death, were you shook, were you out of your breath? when wounded ozone and plastic water surfaced did you shove aside your selfish sycophant quest? Lynched and poisoned when helpless lives were killed Have not refuted to your fascist religious guild? As the world took a step to apocalypse each day, were you revolting, or trembling in dismay? How aloof were you then, till wreathing fires breathed upon the brows of men? What is that you mourn for? Margaret, this is the world you were born for. 

I want to roll over the bed and see you smiling in your sleep like last time when I know you are dreaming of something beautiful I want to kiss you on the cheeks and rub my nose against the grooves of your face   You wouldn’t budge maverick to remain engrossed in dreams I’d run my fingers on your face your hair, your peering collarbones and then decide to taste your lips bruised and dry from last night’s adventures. Still tired, your eyes.   I would whisper a complaint and groan, impatient But I would always wake you up But I would always kiss your lips when I’d see you smiling in your sleep I know you had been dreaming of something beautiful something peaceful like home, like me in your arms.  

The heartache wells up again, freshly in my chest. Every time someone mentions your name, every time a memory conjures up in my mind, every time someone asks me if I have ever been in love, my core coagulates to a lump of misery and despair. The day you severed all ties with me, once and for all, is so vividly branded onto my memory, as if it were just yesterday. The laughter of college kids that echoed to warm tears escaping my eyes, at sunset, still rings to my ears like some premonition. You were probably right. I was too stupid to be loved. I was too stupid to know at that time that people leave when taken for granted. It took me a lot of time to understand with a conviction that you were the only true love I had ever experienced. You. You. You. My life will never be the same without you. My being will never be the same without you. At times, the sorrow comes to me without warning and grasps my soul in the blink of an eye. I don't know if it makes sense to you, but all of my ha