Whispers To The Oblivion ...

I can only hear this faint ticking of the clock, reminding me: time waits for none... But for me the universe has come to an aweful halt. As if each second takes a century to elapse. Maybe because, we could never seal the cracks on our wall that separated us. We could never clean the dust of mistakes from our rotten souls. This feeling is intensely crushing . I weep alone and cornered.. clutching only my loneliness closer. Everything still remains the same. These memories of you spilling into my mind like flood waters into an unkept house... Memories that are meant to be jostling  through the lost avenues, heading to dissolve into flimsy sheets of nostalgic reminiscence. But one thing I know, I would cherish you, through all that love will put me to. Swerving like a flower in wilderness through the wrath of time. 

I can't put it in words, Oh, hell it does hurt. But I know our love is stranded on a cliff And all it will take, is a leap of faith We'll land in paradise or hell And still, my love for you will glimmer like a last hope. Undaunted, beyond our ephemeral lifetimes.

If ever, your heart races back to the garden of forbidden love , ask the molten moonlight, for it will echo my endless rantings to the radiance of your eyes. If ever, time heals the wounds she gave you, ask the immortal leaves, for they will lament the endless sorrows they've embraced like dewdrops on their palms. If ever memories remind you of the smile on my lips, or the tears in my eyes at the sight of you ,oh do not, my dear, forget to ask the fragrant breeze if it was magic? Or madness? For it has, in deed,  witnessed the blood I spilt on my paper dying for you...

In me, you'll find the calm you'd been searching in the vast tumults of life, the yearnings of a nightingale bereaved, bereft of love. In me, you'll find the soul that fits into the crevices of yours like puzzle pieces, the aurora your midnights die into. In me, my love, you'll find the woman, complete like a blossom in spring. In me, your nirvana.

There are some nights when i feel really helpless. Like i can't drag this burden of living any further. Hopes, surviving like bamboo sticks on a river, start dwindling . When i close my eyes, i see all blurry. Something in me asks me to leave this battleground and move to safer embraces of peace. But something else persuades me to wake up the next morning, and fight the evils back. Teach them that no matter what may come, I am a woman who was born to win. But all mornings aren't same. Some mornings i wake up with a tear in my eyes knowing for sure I'd been dreaming of you. That breaks me. That ruins me to know the ironical truth that i have all that i wanted, in my dreams. But you know, that keeps me going too. The craving to see your tired eyes and hold them in mine, like a picture in a camera is what rows me to shores away from this whirlpool called life..

Yes. Ordinary love. Love like him. Love like her. Love like mortal beings. And yet this love, so supernaturally immense, It's shattering my heart into a stardust of irreconcilable pain.

She was the kind of girl whose eyes you could look into, sitting under a cloudy moonlit sky (as tonight) , and the silence would tell you about the storms that had passed : over and over again, each time with a greater intensity. The storms that justify the dilapidated woman she is. The storms that sure did swerve her into trances of insanity but couldn't uproot her. Oh well.

I am ugly to such an extent that no man would stop to look at me if I passed by them on the road. Not even for a split second. But the irony is that I have never wanted anyone to look at me.. I have always wanted someone, at least one person to indulge in me. To dive into unfathomable depths in me and look for beauty in the scars that time couldn't heal. To smoothen those scars with the midas touch of his fingers...To stare into my eyes and cast magic into them, that would bring the cyclones in my seas to an absolute calm. To speak of the remnants of good reasons I still have left to breathe...To be one of those reasons. Call me selfish, but,  I have always wanted something beyond the cheap materialisms of the world. Something cosmic. Something like you.

Someday, if the ropes of your happiness start fraying with the ravages of time, When you suddenly feel homesick And grope around in sheer hopelessness to find refuge It would just take you to turn around To find my open arms I'll be your home .

Tonight, my heart feels like this. A crumpled note of love thrown over the abyss... That lost and damned one didn't know, of thorns, that, with roses grow. And my heart, a fool, fell again, for the trap that love had lain So suffer, suffer till its doom, Darling, wilted flowers never bloom.

I wake up from this slumber Startled at midnight Awoken by fresh love And suddenly this vast loneliness in the unending universe Seems very small I crave to cry And how my tears turn their way through my throat deep into the entrails So no one ever could find them. Why  are they such hypocrites, like you, my love ? They are a hemlock I drink everyday. I wonder when this rib cage of mine dampened with a grave desires and weighed under indelible pain will burst into a thousand confetti. My apocalypse. I fear, my love, each shattered piece of me will still worship the soul you cage within...

I lust at the glimmer of his eyes, Storms of cosmic stardust in my gloomy skies I crave for his touch that maddens me, Blazing desires of a soul that's never been set free In sleep and wake, Steals away his daring silhouette For he is my poem And I, his bereaved poet.

Does every spring end in a fall, Where ruthless wind speaks it all, Of wilted flowers and homeless leaves; Graveyard of splendor in buried heaps... Like tales of broken love, Not written, but etched on your inner wall Does every spring end in a fall?

She could hear them, the daily stifles of her inner voices, She survived, succumbed to their choices Those numbing sensations in a myriad of noises. She could feel them, The dark demons of the shadow she cast behind, tearing apart her heart and soul, her newly enlightened mind. In them there was, a strength greater than she could ever find A strength that nurtured every minuscule, in ways undefined. She was a warrior, a rebel A devious beauty concealed in a chivalrous veil. The gleam in her eyes spoke of a latent illicit zeal. For all she believed- She can. She will.

I'll hold my breath and wait for spring, Hoping only its early advancing. I'll wait and let winters dissolve with bitter pain Disappear into the oblivion, Like angels condemned from heaven. A caged bird, I, will await you limitless One more, Just one more time To see you and submerge in unending happiness...

I've caged myself in these subtle melancholies of life. The everyday trifles between these two inner voices. The walls of the cage listen to me. They know me through every minuscule. They have seen me live and die ...resuscitate and then again die a little more. These walls are my silent consolers. I confide in them. The tapestries on the ceilings have painted me in yellow ecstasy and crimson pain. Only the curtains have hung closer when I cried The floors have been stained with charred papers laden with verses of love and yet,never complained. The bedsheets soaked my miseries, my pain while I whined day in and day out... Ask the pillows they've learnt by heart, the chronicles of nocturnal cursings. They have tasted my blood, seeping from my veins to theirs in the death of the night. They've known me. They've grown me - from a girl to a woman.

I have left my miseries to that melancholic place, And wiped myself off those blemishes That your love left engraved deep inside me. Maybe it's 'us' we were never meant to be. Because broken hearts have incinerated love and lust in the very fire that they were born, Dear, Let bygones bygone.

Her sorrows were so timeworn.. Thousands of indelible pain in her bosom had she borne. And yours was the only soul that could bring her peace, Salve to her wounds and a reason to live, In you she found a love so pure, you'd never believe...

The moment he held me, I knew, Like an undaunted blossom amidst the thorns, a new love grew Mosaics of thoughts stitched together Hands entwined, whispers made promises of 'forever' Visionaries of stars, galaxies and sunshine, Glitter in his eyes, reflected behind mine...

Your eyes are the perfect shade of calm, agony and pain, Fumbling to hold them back to your heart, in vain Your eyes are the perfect shade of laughter and melancholia, That sets my soul on fire, Intrigues me, stills me, Makes me fall in love.... over and over again.

His face was smeared with dust from playing in the yard. Tears flow effortlessly like water trickles down the sand. Helpless,he stares at the woman fading beyond the iron gate, Tiny lips tremble as again and again a single syllable escapes between the sobs, ' ammi ...'

How do I tell you that fear shudders through me still... Even when you clasp me in your arms so tight Like his shadow lurks around even as we kiss, oblivious to our sight. A silence prevails before the storm; That blanches my soul when you are gone So I sit there clutching my loneliness closer, to fill the void he left within And picture my past: shades of gray in a canvas of grime For I can never let go of what I dread... Losing you like I lost him.

Snarled words longing for an escape, The sky burst open and drenched me with emotions... ...Emotions, I never wanted to 'turn back to. But it penetrated my soul, ripped open my heart, Evoking fresh pain where the scars of the old catastrophe still persisted...

The scars on your forehead remind me of the pasts you hide from me. The hidden truths of your life that slowly take shape on the wheel of destiny... The countless pain you hide in your smiles I want to be a part of them. I know not what in me wants to reach out to you, Wipe away sordid melancholy from the very root of you. How so strange it is, I crave for your smile....since you let it seep into the surreal darkness of life... I am a weed longing too much for a blooming flower. Longing too much, for you... I love you...

There was no soul yonder that could salve his agony For now, even his smiles mocked him Every morn, he pondered over her thoughts Glittery eyes and entangled hair And the ecstasy of a little child The memories of her brought back  paradise... And then epiphany collapsed on him She was a broken verse that deliquesced  from his paper unknowingly Far too deep...into the oblivion..

The reminiscence of rustic letters and sooty portraits, that flare up the memory like inkblots on a parchment paper. The midnight recital of emotional black holes drags me into it's captivity It leaves me disoriented How hard it is to put into words... your death spoke for my silence over the years...

"Didi(sister)? Will you please pick me up? "Why?" "My mum and dad's pictures are stuck on the door of that cupboard. I can't reach out to them with my small hands.." "Uh..huh?" I was perplexed. "Didi, I want to see my parents..." "But little one, how will you SEE them?" "You know Didi, Jesus Christ took my eyes, But he gave me the power to see with my touch and feel with my imaginations."she paused..."Out beyond the reach of sighted ones, there's a world so bleak and black, I belong there." It was a summer afternoon. There was a flush of anticipation as i trailed behind my friend through the creaking main gate of the orphanage. Inside, I found 36 little bundle of happiness. As the days went by, some of the kids started calling me 'Ma'. You'd never believe, this little syllable swerved like hurricanes of ecstasy through me. I was a mother. Gradually without my little o...

I will forget the dreams we saw together... To melancholia, my heart, will I tether. Your silhouette walks past my dreams The union of our souls, never so distant did it seem... The glitter of your eyes, the warmth of your smile, How I never knew destiny would play such taunting wile Insides, I know, never shall you return So ignite the flames, let buried memories burn...

Sometimes my heart skips a beat, Frightened, how you'd leave me soon. I reprimand her to stay strong and imbibe mental hopes to survive through trivial losses... But it never helps. What is it that you've done to me? What is it that branched out of places in me where I never saw any light? Tell me what in me laments your absence in every moment of dark and day. Fear blanches and stills the heart As epiphany washes over me... Love, you triumphed yet again... UNDAUNTED. UNASHAMED.

The countless audacious whispers that quivered the lips and collapsed oblivious, Speak of the thousands of midnight rantings to your beauty They cry out my fears, my anxiety The latent desires that I've hidden forever in my bosom But, yes, it's been too long now. I can feel the tears brimming up in my eyes, Sloshing and jostling as i try to suppress them, time and again. You and I were probably set on two different roads, that met at a juncture, once in a while Those red letter days... And now meant to part again, once again...

Sinful treat to the ears, The never eneding echo of your solitary whispers...

So don't you worry baby, Even as you wave through the fog from the train window, Know that your fragrant smell still lingers in my breath And I can still feel your fingers lacing through the goosebumps on my skin Your eyes still sparkle and meet mine in dreams; And your smile...it still emanates shrouded desires of my soul. Your solitary whispers strum through the ears and probe into the unclaimed passions of the heart.. So, even when you're long gone, and forgotten, you're here... RIGHT  HERE. (And that's my only salvation...)

She loved him, for reasons unfathomable... She was often cross with him, also, for reasons unfathomable... Droplets of rain water trickled down the windshield.. None but she herself heard her sighs filling the room The souls that united like the glass and water Were finally onto their real destinations now... SEPARATELY.